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© 2014 - 2024 darkone4587
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TerramArmsXIII's avatar
This idea is good but the lack of description does not fit here. The dialogue wasn't to memorable either.  Now some of the characters do have potential and another thing, the dragon is clearly a girl, why does she call Erik "Wife" Either that is a straight up wording flaw or it seems to make some sense. But yes the description here is too lack luster for me to believe the fantasy setting. 

The town for an example, why not explore around there and meet more people? 

The cave could have explored as well, how deep was the dragon inside, what was it like, what is damp, was it brimming with magically power? You should consider this when creating a new world for us to explore, make your dragon story different from the ones that are common place throughout media. 

The cloaked figurine guys seem interesting and the mystery is kept to a good degree. But knowing nothing about this world and only knowing the main character is a wish to be black smith seems...i don't know, relying on potential alone sometimes will not cut it, but Kelik seems like an interesting guy. 

But yes i would say make more description because i will be blunt- it is severely lacking here. 

Now for more good news. 

The story seems to be able to go to a lot of places. As for the main character and the dragon it seems to set up for some potential fusion of dragon and human, or at least some sort of pact. But of course this is predictable but good in a way. 
The main character as i stated has a lot of potential, knowing how to make a good sword may come in handy. But i will be blunt, try not to make him someone that can't do anything with the dragon power or to be it simply do not make him useless, that is a massive problem with main characters now a days. But regardless good start.

But yes, Description, immerse us into a fantasy world, try not to be to common place for that can get tiring and boring.

good luck!